Fertility Journey

Wow!! So much is happening right now I just don't know where to begin with it all. I thought to blog would be a good way to journal this adventure that Devin and I are going on.
It all starts with October 2007 when Devin and I decided that we were ready to start a family. Devin was ready right when we got married but I needed a year before I was ready! In the beginning we decided not to tell anyone because we had gotten so much crap from people when we got married because we were to young and needed to live out life, blah blah blah. I just really did not need to hear what anyone thought about us having a baby and frankly I did not care.
Each month I would hope that I was pregnant but knew it could be a year because that is how long it had taken one of my sisters. A few months into to it I found out another one of my sister and sister-in-law was pregnant. I was so excited for both of then but it also crushed me! Why was I not able to get pregnant and they could just look at their spouses and get pregnant. Once it was almost a year I started talking to the doctor and getting tests done to find out what the problem was. Each time I was put on a new medicine or had a procedure done I would think for sure I would get pregnant the next month because the problem was fixed. I was put on Clomed, Fermara and had a sonohysterogram, and hysterosalpingogram done and Devin also got checked. Still no problems were found and nothing was working!!
You never think you will be the one going through certain trials in life. You hear about people who can't get pregnant but we never thought it would be us, we wanted a family so bad! We will be good parents so why is the druggie sixteen year old getting pregnant and we are not? Isn't multiplying and replenishing the earth one of the big reasons why we are here? These were some things I would think and would feel like I was being punished for some reason. Yeah I am not a very good visiting teacher and me and Devin should do family home evening more often. Were these the reasons why I was not getting pregnant? I know it may sound ridiculous but really that is what I thought some times. Many people would tell us its just not the right time which I hated, I believed them but did not understand why it was not the right time.
We finally decided to go to a infertility doctor where we found out the problem I had called Pre-Ovarian Failure, which means I don't have as many eggs left in my body as I should, which means I will probably go through menopause sooner then most people my age. The only things that helped to get pregnant with this problem was to do insemination's a few times then In-Vitro was the next step. We did an insemination, again thinking for sure I was going to be pregnant because they are putting the sperm right there where it needed to go. Again we were very disappointed. Two months later we did it for a second time but again it failed. Each time it cost around $1000 dollars, we could not afford to do this anymore and for sure could not afford In-Vitro. Devin's job was not going well we did not need to get in anymore debt. So we decided to take a break around October 2009 and oh how I hated it until January 2010 hit. Devin's brother Bret, who is also my sisters husband passed away. Britney & Bret were our next door neighbors and we did a lot with each other. They had a one year old boy Dylan who now did not have a dad here on this earth. At this point in our journey we KNEW there was a reason why we had not had a child at this time in our life. We needed to be there for Britney and Dylan during this tragic time in their life. For about a year we were both content with not having a child and I knew the Lord was helping us both feel that way for a reason.
Once 2011 hit we were ready again! It was time for us to start seeing the doctor again. My doctor Dr Young said he could do another insemination for us which was done in April. We were so excited and I was trying to stay so positive through it all. I had a blessing which my dad gave me the night before it was done. It was so comforting, in it he said a lot about how wonderful medical technology is and how it will help me. I don't remember exactly what he said I just know he talked a lot about medical technology. After the blood test came back negative again I was confused. I felt so peaceful during the blessing and it was such a wonderful blessing, why was I not pregnant? What should we do next? Do we keep paying to do an insemination? What if it keeps failing, is it worth it? These were the things going through our mind. I had, had it! I was done I wanted this emotional rollercoaster to be over. It was such a big let down with the last insemination that we did and maybe it was because a lot of people knew we were doing it and now I had to tell them all that it did not work and try to hold back the tears (lets just say thank goodness for texting, it makes things like this so much easier so you don't have to talk to people). June hit and everything has seemed to come together!

Yesterday my family and I were talking about life and beyond the veil and I have not been able to stop thinking about it which I guess is a really good thing. It is really hard for me to understand why people just don't get whats most important in life! I guess I was raised learning how important family and the gospel is and now that I am adult I know for myself that these are the most important things in life. I honestly do not know what I would do without these two most important things. I read a book after my brother-in-law passed away called "The Message". It is a about a man who is sick in the hospital who crosses the veil (dies) and then is revived again and able to come back to earth and share his story about being beyond the veil. It has brought me more perspective of life and what we are here for. We are here to progress, to have a family, and to be tested and tried but our goal should be to pass the test. Someday we will cross the veil again and have to report on our life here on earth. These are not things I am learning for the first time but this time hearing them and thinking about them has hit me harder. It makes me want to cry for those that don't understand or have the knowledge of this. I don't know what I would do without the warmth the gospel brings in my life. I know this is a really "churchy" post but I LOVE it because this is me, this is who I am, and this is what is so so important to me in my life.

BYU and Dylan

I know these pictures are from almost a year ago but I still wanted to post them.

Devin and Dylan ready for the BYU football game! RA RA RA GO COUGARS!!

Of course he got the football outfit for his horse. Dylan loves watching and playing football.

I took the day off work for Dylan's birthday and we went to Wingers and the aquarium. Dylan was so excited about his BYU football hat that he got for his birthday.

Just trying to dress himself

We went to one of the BYU basketball games and it was so funny to see all the boys so into the game while eating their popcorn.

Devin's Brithday

So Devin has been on a kick and all he can talk about is JIMMER. He wanted a basketball signed by Jimmer for his birthday. How in the heck was I suppose to get that. So instead I made him a cake and put Jimmers name on it, Lol. Lets be honest though this is the worse cake I have made him. I just did not take the time that I usually do. Oh well there is always next year to make up for it. Devin's birthday landed on Sunday and Monday was Valentines day so we decided to go out to dinner to Texas Road House. We actually met up with my sister and her boyfriend because they were able to get a table sooner then we were and it was fun to have the extra company. I told the waiter it was his birthday so they made him sit on the saddle. It was pretty funny.

Ugly Sweater Party

So for Christmas this year we decide to have a ugly sweater party with some friends. We just made appetizer's and desserts and watched a movie. Everyone was good sports and came with a ugly sweater except Jordan who was showing his true self. Lol!

Halloween 2010

I love Halloween! I did not grow up loving as much as I do now but for some reason I just love it. It is so fun to see how creative people can be. I also love the excuse of dressing up. This year I dressed up in 3 different costumes. For my work party Devin and I dressed up as Pirates, for our Halloween 5K Brit and I were Superheros, and lastly I dressed up as a witch for witches night out and for work. I even go Devin to dress up 3 times as a Pirate, Slink dog, and a Devil.

So cute our only trick-or-treaters because we leave the house after they come and head to my parents where we have chili, scones, and honeybutter! As you can see some of them were already eating their treats.

Such cute boys!!

Highway to Hale

Halloween morning we did "Highway to Hale" race that was sponsored by the Hale Center Theater in Orem. It was so so much fun!! I know that is weird for me to say running was fun but for some reason it felt so good this time and I did not even train. It was my second 5k and Britney's first. I felt so good while I was running, I was able to talk pretty much the whole run which is very abnormal for me. Usually I am so concentrated on my breathing that I can't say a word. It was so much fun to get to run next to Britney the whole time. Devin, his brother Michael, and his wife Jocelyn did the 10K. Jo made her Jessie costume and also make Devin's. She did such an amazing job. I really need to learn how to sew, Its on my TO DO LIST.

Since they did have such a awesome costume they won BEST costume! There prize is season tickets to the Hale Center Theater. I am taking a Theater class online and I have to see 3 plays during the semester so this price will be very useful and a good free date night for sure.

Mine and Britney's costume was kind of put together the night before and we wanted it to be really cheap so this is what we came up with. We did have eye masks on but running+sweat+eye masks= sticky. We did wear them the whole race but after it was over we were done with them.

They wore the slink part of the costume the whole time!!

I am so proud we ran the whole time, never walked and we did go up a pretty good size hill.

Dad, Mom, Dylan, Beth, and Steve all came to cheer us on
Here we come and yes I did try to beat the girl in the yellow and succeeded