Fertility Journey

Wow!! So much is happening right now I just don't know where to begin with it all. I thought to blog would be a good way to journal this adventure that Devin and I are going on.
It all starts with October 2007 when Devin and I decided that we were ready to start a family. Devin was ready right when we got married but I needed a year before I was ready! In the beginning we decided not to tell anyone because we had gotten so much crap from people when we got married because we were to young and needed to live out life, blah blah blah. I just really did not need to hear what anyone thought about us having a baby and frankly I did not care.
Each month I would hope that I was pregnant but knew it could be a year because that is how long it had taken one of my sisters. A few months into to it I found out another one of my sister and sister-in-law was pregnant. I was so excited for both of then but it also crushed me! Why was I not able to get pregnant and they could just look at their spouses and get pregnant. Once it was almost a year I started talking to the doctor and getting tests done to find out what the problem was. Each time I was put on a new medicine or had a procedure done I would think for sure I would get pregnant the next month because the problem was fixed. I was put on Clomed, Fermara and had a sonohysterogram, and hysterosalpingogram done and Devin also got checked. Still no problems were found and nothing was working!!
You never think you will be the one going through certain trials in life. You hear about people who can't get pregnant but we never thought it would be us, we wanted a family so bad! We will be good parents so why is the druggie sixteen year old getting pregnant and we are not? Isn't multiplying and replenishing the earth one of the big reasons why we are here? These were some things I would think and would feel like I was being punished for some reason. Yeah I am not a very good visiting teacher and me and Devin should do family home evening more often. Were these the reasons why I was not getting pregnant? I know it may sound ridiculous but really that is what I thought some times. Many people would tell us its just not the right time which I hated, I believed them but did not understand why it was not the right time.
We finally decided to go to a infertility doctor where we found out the problem I had called Pre-Ovarian Failure, which means I don't have as many eggs left in my body as I should, which means I will probably go through menopause sooner then most people my age. The only things that helped to get pregnant with this problem was to do insemination's a few times then In-Vitro was the next step. We did an insemination, again thinking for sure I was going to be pregnant because they are putting the sperm right there where it needed to go. Again we were very disappointed. Two months later we did it for a second time but again it failed. Each time it cost around $1000 dollars, we could not afford to do this anymore and for sure could not afford In-Vitro. Devin's job was not going well we did not need to get in anymore debt. So we decided to take a break around October 2009 and oh how I hated it until January 2010 hit. Devin's brother Bret, who is also my sisters husband passed away. Britney & Bret were our next door neighbors and we did a lot with each other. They had a one year old boy Dylan who now did not have a dad here on this earth. At this point in our journey we KNEW there was a reason why we had not had a child at this time in our life. We needed to be there for Britney and Dylan during this tragic time in their life. For about a year we were both content with not having a child and I knew the Lord was helping us both feel that way for a reason.
Once 2011 hit we were ready again! It was time for us to start seeing the doctor again. My doctor Dr Young said he could do another insemination for us which was done in April. We were so excited and I was trying to stay so positive through it all. I had a blessing which my dad gave me the night before it was done. It was so comforting, in it he said a lot about how wonderful medical technology is and how it will help me. I don't remember exactly what he said I just know he talked a lot about medical technology. After the blood test came back negative again I was confused. I felt so peaceful during the blessing and it was such a wonderful blessing, why was I not pregnant? What should we do next? Do we keep paying to do an insemination? What if it keeps failing, is it worth it? These were the things going through our mind. I had, had it! I was done I wanted this emotional rollercoaster to be over. It was such a big let down with the last insemination that we did and maybe it was because a lot of people knew we were doing it and now I had to tell them all that it did not work and try to hold back the tears (lets just say thank goodness for texting, it makes things like this so much easier so you don't have to talk to people). June hit and everything has seemed to come together!